Dear Diary
by Willa Downey
Summary: Oz is bored, and Gil's diary looks all too tempting. /// Shounen-ai/yaoi, Oz x Gil. Please R&R!
1. Boredom

It was a lonely and quiet winter day at Pandora Headquarters. Oz was lazing about in the parlor, trying to find something to keep him occupied. Chain sightings had gone down, and it was too cold to go searching for Alice's memories. No one was around; Sharon had dragged Alice away for more "girl time", Gil went out to do the weekly shopping, and hell if he knew where Break was.

_Probably popping out from closets and scaring the other Pandora members_, Oz thought. He glanced anxiously at the clock.

10:00 am. It had been 2 hours already, and Gil wasn't due back until 12:00. At least if Gil was there, he would have someone to tease.

Great. Now he was stuck here, alone, with absolutely _nothing_ to do for 2 whole hours.

Oz sighed and got up from the sofa he was sitting on. He certainly wasn't just going to sit there and stare at the wall the whole time.

Maybe if he walked around, he would find someone to talk to. At this point he would even settle talking to Break. Oz walked down the hall where their quarters were, searching for some signs of entertainment. When he came to Gilbert's he saw the door was ever so slightly cracked - a perfect invitation for the bored teenager. He slipped into his servant's room and shut the door behind him.

_Come on, Gil, you've got to have something in here…_

Oz then noticed a medium-sized black book sitting on Gil's nightstand. He knew he shouldn't be snooping around like this, but his boredom had gotten the best of him. But Gil was his servant, wasn't he? And since Oz was his master, he could look at Gil's stuff as he pleased. That's what Oz told himself as he hesitantly picked up the book and plopped down on Gil's bed to read it.

As he examined it more closely, he noticed the word "Diary" across the front in small gold letters. Oz didn't know what he expected it to be; there aren't too many books that would be on someone's nightstand, but he didn't think Gil was the type of person to keep a diary. What could he possibly want to write about? Chains? Shopping? How much he hated "that stupid rabbit"? Unless Gil had some secret he didn't know about…?

Secret…?

Oz instantly wanted - no, _needed_ - to know what was in that little black book.

He really shouldn't read Gil's diary. He knew that. Gil would have a fit if he ever found out.

But no one was around. Oz was bored to death. And the diary was looking more tempting by the second.

_Hey, it was his fault for leaving it out, anyway._

Tentatively, Oz lay back on the headboard of the bed and opened his servant's diary.

-x-x-x-

Hope you like it so far! Next will be Gil's diary, then _maybe_ a lemon in the third chapter? ^///^ Tell me what you think! ~


	2. Realize

The first page was boring, and simply read, "Property of Gilbert Nightray. Please return if lost." It made Oz laugh a little, though; it sounded so formal coming from Gil. He turned the page, anxious to read the juicy secrets of his servant.

The first entry was dated February 2nd. He had returned from the abyss in April, so this was before then. It was boring, for the most part - just Gil ranting about Break and chains. Oz turned to the next one, hoping it would be more interesting. February 14th. Valentine's Day.

_Oh boy, this one better be interesting._

"Dear Diary,

I hate Valentine's Day. I really do. Everything's all red and pink and lovey-dovey, and Break gets high off sweets and bugs me even more. This year was even worst than the last. Vincent decided it would be fun to throw a party. Of course that meant glitter and confetti and hearts and bunch of other crap. The party was torture as expected. Vincent thought I was depressed and tried to set me up with a couple girls, which of course, I wasn't interesting in. I told him I didn't want to be with anyone right now. Which was a lie, since I did want to be with someone, just not some random girl. I don't even like girls. I don't want to tell Vincent, though, cause who knows what he'll do then. I really, really hate Valentine's Day."

Oz certainly wasn't disappointed, if not a little shocked.

_Gil is gay? He never seemed to be, or told me. _

He hated that Gil felt like he couldn't share something with him, especially something like that, but decided to move on instead of dwelling on it.

The next entry was March 10th.

"Dear Diary,

He's been gone a while now. Break says we'll be able to get him back soon. He's been saying that for the past year now, though, so he probably doesn't mean it even though he's 'absolutely sure it'll be this time'. I don't want to wait anymore. I don't see why we have to wait at all. I wonder how much he's changed since then. I miss him."

A blush formed on Oz's cheeks. Gil had missed him. It made him feel guilty. It had only been a day or two for him, but for Gil it had been 10 years. And worst of all, when he finally came back, he was still the same scrawny 15 year old he had been before.

Moving on, the next one was dated March 30th.

"Dear Diary,

Next week. Tuesday. I just hope Break's right this time. If not, I don't know what I'll do."

Of course Gil would be dramatic about it. It made a smirk appear across the boy's face. Oz skimmed the next few entries, which contained more about chains and how much Gil hated Break.

April 8th, the day Oz came back.

"Dear Diary,

He's back. Finally, finally back. But we didn't do anything. We waited to late. He has a chain. She's really strange and annoying. I hate her. He has a time bomb on his chest ticking away. I finally got him back, just to know I don't have much more time left with him. But he's back, and that's all that matters. As long as he's here, I'm happy."

He felt like he was stabbed in the heart when he read Gil's thoughts. But how could he know? How was he supposed to know that Gil, ten years older, had signed a contract with Raven to save him? But he still felt disgusted with himself for letting Gil down.

Moving along, he skipped to June 16th.

"Dear Diary,

I'd be lying if I said I was happy with the way things are going. He's happy, so I should be happy. It's hard enough to pretend I don't care, but then I have to see him with_her_. But there's no way I could ever tell him. He's happy with that stupid rabbit and I'm not going to take that away from him. It's my fault for feeling like this in the first place. It's wrong and selfish; I should know better. It's not like he'd ever feel the same way, no matter how much I wish he did. So I'll just keep on pretending for now."

Gil was jealous because he thought Oz liked Alice? But why would he be jealous of that…? Did Gil…? Oz suddenly felt very uncomfortable reading Gil's diary. He should put it down, run out, and pretend nothing happened.

10:30. Against his better judgment, Oz decided to continue reading and not be bored for another hour and a half.

July 10th. More than halfway through the year already.

"Dear Diary,

I guess things are getting a little better. It's easier with him around, even if he is with that stupid rabbit. Break keeps telling me I should tell him. I dunno, maybe Break's right, but I'm not going to tell him. What difference would it make? He wouldn't want me as his servant or friend anymore, and he'd probably be creeped out. Maybe Break wants to seem less like a pedophile by making me look like one. Like he'd ever not look like one."

So, Gil _did_ feel that way about him? And he wouldn't tell Oz because he was afraid. Afraid of rejection. So he kept it to himself. It hurt Oz to think of Gil in pain because of him. Because Gil thought Oz wouldn't accept him if he had feelings for him. Didn't Gil know that Oz would always accept him, no matter what? Gil was his best friend in the whole world. Nothing would change that. Even if Oz didn't feel the same way.

He didn't, did he…?

July 29th. Oz could tell Gil didn't write in his diary unless he had something to rant about.

"Dear Diary,

He told me his seal moved. He seemed calm about it, but I could tell he was a little worried about it. I didn't tell him it worried me to death, but it does. I can't lose him again. I can't. He deserves more than this, more than a clock ticking away on his chest, more than a father who hates him and Chains and the Abyss and not knowing anything. Things used to be so much simpler. I hate being a pathetic and weak servant and an even worse friend. I don't want to lose him."

Oz remembered back to that day, the moment he told Gil about his seal; matching these thoughts to Gil's face. He was pretty good at not showing any emotion. But the page was stained with tears. Oz felt horrible. Gil cared about him, and what did Oz give him in return? More pain. He flipped through more pages, hoping to find something a little happier.

He found one. October 31st, Halloween.

"Dear Diary,

Today was good for a change. We had a costume party. I wasn't going to dress up, but Oz made me be a vampire. The party was fun, despite Break eating most of the candy and throwing the rest at me. Ha, _me_ calling something fun. The stupid rabbit didn't want to be a part of party, complaining because there wasn't any meat. Sharon tried to tell her she was being a bad guest and she needed to learn some manners. I don't think anyone could teach that _thing_ any manners, even Sharon. She got upset because that stupid rabbit wouldn't listen to her, so she and Break left pretty earlier. Oz and I talked for a while. It was nice not having to worry about anything and just have a personal conversation with him. He fell asleep on my shoulder so I carried him back to his room. Today was a good day."

Oz laughed to himself, remembering the fun party. So Gil really did have fun. He usually hated parties, too. And he finally mentioned Oz's name. He wasn't sure what the significance of that was, but it made me him feel a little happier. Feeling better, he continued.

He turned to November 7th.

"Dear Diary,

I'm now officially broke. That stupid rabbit insisted on eating all the meat in the entire market, and of course, I had to pay for it. Break just laughed when I told him. The nerve that man has; he's lucky I haven't killed him yet. Can't even give me a cent. Nope. Probably cause he spends all he has on sweets. If he even has any money. Anyway, I was yelling at the rabbit, which led to her yelling back and trying to attack me. Oz had to break up our fight before I decided to kill her right then and there. It would solve a lot of problems having her gone. But I know Oz would never forgive me. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt him like that. No matter how much I hate that damn rabbit."

Oz was a little shocked to find that Gil really did want to kill Alice and it wasn't all talk. Because she was killing him, and she was getting close to him… and Gil was jealous of that… and Oz…

He didn't know what to think anymore. It was all so confusing, yet so simple at the same time.

Time to move on. November 25th, Thanksgiving.

"Dear Diary,

Break is annoying me even more about Oz. He said I better tell him soon, or I won't have the chance to. I gave him some lame excuse. How typical. It's _hard_ and I don't know why he can't understand that. If and when I'm going to tell him, it's going to be when I'm ready. Maybe he thought a holiday would be a good time. I guess Sharon and her romantic ideals have rubbed off on him. Ha, _Break _being _romantic_. The servants at Pandora cooked us dinner, though I felt guilty being the one served and not the one serving. Old habits die hard, I suppose. Our _pet_, who acts more like a rabid dog than a rabbit,ate the whole turkey before anyone else got any. I didn't care, since I don't eat much anyway. I still yelled at her though. Stupid, _stupid _rabbit. She went to bed early, at least - turkey makes one very sleepy, and she ate 20 pounds of it. Break and Sharon decided to leave shortly after, not so coincidentally leaving me alone with Oz. Like they thought something would happen. Like all it takes is a few minutes alone and we're automatically..."

Oz cursed Gil for not finishing his sentence. Automatically… _what_? What was it that Gil couldn't write, not even in his own diary -

A thought crossed the boy's mind which sent a shiver up his spine.

Surely Gil didn't mean… all this vague talk of feelings… jealousy… Gil didn't want them to be… _lovers_. No, he was wrong. Unless… Gil really did… feel _that way_ about him… did he?

What would Oz do with that?

Unless, Oz felt _that way _too…?

No! Of course he loved Gil, just not like _that_. He didn't, he couldn't; Gil was a _guy_, and Oz liked girls, not boys, and he certainly wasn't in love with his servant, of all people!

His servant… but Gil really wasn't _just _his servant, was he? No, Gil was his best friend, the person he could always count on, the one who would always be there for him, no matter what, the person who waited 10 long, grueling years just to see him again.

_Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I was with Gil… what, no! Stop it! Even if Gil does have feelings for me, I don't… I can't… _

Oz felt his chest grow warm. _No, no! This is wrong! I don't like him like that! Gil and I are just friends! _

Suddenly, the door flew open.

"Oz?" Gil was standing there, looking worried and confused, with his hat in his free hand.

_Shit._

He had meant to leave before Gil got back; he certainly didn't want his servant to find him lying on his bed, reading his diary!

Oz just sat there, mortified, wondering how - or if - he could get out of this situation.

Gil walked towards Oz, tossing his hat on a nearby chair. "Oz, is something wron-"

His eyes fixed on the book Oz was holding, then, to his horror, his bare nightstand. He looked back to his master again, who had hidden the book while Gil wasn't looking.

"Hey, weren't you reading something, Oz?" Gil's voice wavered, praying his assumptions were wrong.

_If Oz was reading that… it would ruin everything._

Oz's mouth refused to cooperate with brain, and all he could do was shake his head.

"N-no," he finally managed to say.

"I saw it; you had something in your hands! Where'd it go?" Gil's voice rose, which scared Oz - Gil had never raised his voice at him before.

Oz tried to laugh it off, despite his quivering voice. "I - I didn't - I think you're seeing things, Gil; maybe you should see a doctor -"

He was cut off when Gil placed his rather large hands on Oz's rather small shoulders, turning him so he was sitting on the edge of the bed. Oz prepared to be yelled at, or hit, or something - he wasn't sure; he just knew he was scared. But Gil's voice came out so softly that Oz almost missed it.

"Oz, don't lie to me. Please."

The boy dropped his gaze. He couldn't admit this to Gil, but he guessed he deserved this for reading his servant's most private possession.

"I-I'm sorry, Gil; I was bored and there was nothing to do, then I found your diary and I couldn't help myself. I shouldn't have read it and I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry, Gil. Please don't hate me." Tears found their way out of his eyes. Great. Now it would look like he was playing the pity card.

"No, you shouldn't have read it," Gil said, releasing Oz's shoulders. "But there's no way I could ever hate you, Oz."

Oz felt a pair of strong arms wrap around his now trembling form. He felt guilty all over again. He had violated Gil's personal property, and Gil just hugged him. What an awful, selfish brat he was. He didn't deserve someone like Gil.

Their proximity suddenly made Oz uncomfortable as he thought about his previous concerns.

"You should be mad, Gil."

Gil broke away from Oz. "Well, of course I'm upset that you read my diary, but there's nothing I can do about it now. Plus, I can't stay mad at you for very long," he stated. Gilbert didn't know how much his master had read, nor did he really want to think about him reading his diary in the first place. He just hoped Oz hadn't figured out his true feelings for him. But Oz was a smart boy, wasn't he? Gil supposed he had this coming to him. It would come out at some point. He just wished he had been the one to tell Oz, not having Oz figure it out on his own. There was still a chance Oz didn't know, and that was what he was hoping for. But Gilbert didn't have very good luck.

"Gil," Oz questioned, swinging his legs nervously.

"Yes?" Gil was 99% sure he didn't want to hear what Oz was about to ask him, but he replied anyway.

"Do you like me?"

A blush formed on the man's cheeks. "Uh, well, I-I mean of course I like you Oz, you're my best friend -"

Oz smiled. This was going to be fun.

"I don't think you understand my question, Gil."

"W-what do you mean, O-Oz?" Gil's blush was getting deeper by the second.

Oz's smile was growing into one that would even make Break proud. "I think you know what I mean. Do you _like_ me, Gil?"

"I-I… uh…"

"Come on; don't make me get a cat!"

"Y-yes! I like you Oz, I love you; there, I said it!" Gilbert dropped his head, waiting for the rejection he knew would follow.

Even though Oz had guessed Gil liked him, it still shocked him to hear his friend actually admit to liking - no, _loving_ him.

The silence was making poor Gil even more anxious. Then, he felt a pair of small hands on his clenched ones.

"I-I think I like Gil, too." He could hear his heartbeat in his ears.

Gil looked up to meet Oz's eyes. He didn't need to say anything; Oz could see the question in his eyes - "Is this real?"

Oz closed his eyes, leaned up, and pressed his lips against Gil's.

-x-x-x-

More coming soon, I promise! Writing Gil's diary was very, _very_ fun. -3- I might write a lemon, but I haven't decided whether I have enough courage to do so atm. Let me know what you think! :3


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